three things.

"if you do not love yourself totally and fully, somewhere along the way you learned not to. you can unlearn it. be kind to yourself today".

7 notes

day eight

1. therapy

while it should be pointed out that it hasn’t completely changed my life yet, when i went today, i was having a bad day. i almost canceled and just didn’t feel like leaving the house at all. i’m not entirely sure if i’m feeling very hopeful, but when i left, i felt a sense of calm and like i’d figured something out that still hasn’t quite dawned on me yet. i’ve decided to take that positively.

2. “tropical” thunderstorms

i’m not sure if one can say “tropical” when speaking about germany, but suddenly this evening, the sky opened up and started to pour loudly and hotly and then the lightening struck, making the dusk sky even grayer than it was, with tinges of yellow edging the clouds. it was a beautiful moment, and just what i needed.

3. ibuprofen

while it may seem a silly thing to be grateful for, i get headaches and even migraines (though i don’t have one now and frankly, ibuprofen does nothing for them) and i really appreciate that ibuprofen is basically the same in every language, making it easy to have no matter what country i’m in. i have a headache now and have just taken ibuprofen and am about to get into bed and read until my headache goes away. it’s nice to trust that something will work and i will actually feel better and then be able to fall asleep.

Filed under therapy depression thunderstorm rain ibuprofen headache grateful gratitude

0 notes

things i am NOT grateful for

people “liking” or “reblogging” my post who turn out to have strange sex sites and are using my posts just to gain more traffic to their naked lady sites.

i don’t have any issue with people using the internet for porn or whatever they are into - that’s not my business. but when my husband sends me a message saying my post has four notes, and i get excited because that’s what kind of geek i am, and they all turn out to be fake sites, that’s just lame.

very uncool @ivory7redcolor, @elroyvmeet and @tm-level.

Filed under reblogging sex sites taking advantage of a lowly blogger

8 notes

day seven

1. my mom

i don’t know what i’d do without my mother. just talking to her for an hour just makes me feel completely different - loved, cared for, respected, and best, a part of something. aside from james, it’s so easy to feel so isolated and lonely here in this country where i know no one and don’t speak the language and that feeling of belonging is so important and my mother is just my favorite person to talk to. and god bless skype. 

2. veggie burgers

although i’ve definitely been spoiled by the plethora of vegetarian food, restaurants and consciousness of california, i am so grateful that i can still buy yummy veggie burgers here in germany. i’ve even found a few different brands and can choose my favorite! today we had some very good (but very, very small) veggie burgers with lots and lots of pickles. yum.

3. the bank lady at sparkasse

i’ve never known a bank to call and ask for us to come in and make sure we’re ok with our service and see if we have any questions. they called james last week and scheduled an appointment with this lady (she was so wonderful and yet still i don’t know her name) for this afternoon. she spoke english quite well and was so helpful. she explained all of our options in terms of savings accounts and credit cards, but her advice was, go home and think about it. james, who has worked at various banks, came out laughing, surprised she hadn’t tried to sell us anything. but she really seemed honestly concerned that we get the right program for us and i really appreciate that. especially because i really did have a lot of questions. she answered every single one. customer service at its best (something that was definitely lacking in barcelona).

Filed under mothers veggie burgers bank customer service gratitude grateful

9 notes

day six

1. couch to 5k

having a program like this one actually helps me stick with it. this morning, i got up at 8 (which might be normal to some people, but is unfortunately not for me) and went for a run before going to cologne. last night as i went to sleep, i wasn’t sure i was going to make it, and i might not have if i weren’t on a set program that i have to do three times a week. i appreciate that someone designed this program for idiots like me and that someone else made a free app out of it for my phone so that i don’t have to time myself or buy one of those fancy watches.

2. book exchange

though normally i’m very anti these sorts of events (who actually wants to give away books? i just don’t understand.), i figure the more things that get me out of the house and talking to real live people, the better. and, of course, it’s better than any event without books. when i arrived and sat down, i saw, conveniently placed just in front of me, a book that i’d been wanting to read for awhile now. i’ve read two others in the series, and i really enjoy them. i had just been thinking that i needed a new “easy” (as in, the type of book i wouldn’t have read or admitted to reading ten years ago - luckily now i don’t care) book and now i’ve got one that i’m excited about!

3. finding my way around cologne

i’m very grateful for my smart phone because it gets me around my new city, albeit not very well. i have no idea why this city is so confusing! today, however, i made it to the starbucks on breite straße for the book exchange all by myself and felt just for a second like i was really starting to understand a little bit about the way the city was laid out, which is a nice feeling.

Filed under germany cologne grateful gratitude book exchange couch to 5k

5 notes

day five

1. amy adams in enchanted

to be honest, today wasn’t the best day. but luckily, i have this fabulous movie to watch over and over again when i’m down. it is absolutely the perfect film for me - i think it was made for me, really. it didn’t completely make me feel better, but it made me smile and it made me sing and i was still able to laugh at myself. sometimes i’m not really able to do that.

2. grapefruit

ok, this might be stretching it a little, but i really, really love grapefruits. and one side effect of the cold, rainy “summer” we’re having is that grapefruits are still in season. and i can eat a bunch of them, and still feel like i’m being healthy. my mom used to give me grapefruit and she would peel every bit of the white stuff off of it and put them in a bowl and they were always so delicious, they made me feel like i was eating some exotic delicacy. i still eat them that way, and i still feel like it’s a delicacy.

3. my husband

what i love about him the most is that on my worst days, when i spend the whole day just sitting in front of the tv (like today, sadly) or eating too much or even if i can’t get out of bed, he always tells me that it’s ok and that he loves me and never makes me feel like he’s disappointed in me, which i’m always afraid of. today, he came home and was so excited to see me and i apologized for not having cleaned and he said that he hadn’t even noticed. i don’t know what i would do if he were even partially as judgmental of me as i am of myself.

Filed under germany amy adams enchanted grapefruit marriage grateful gratitude

1 note

day four*

*posted a day late due to spending the weekend in oxfordshire at the wilderness festival, where there was absolutely no internet connection (which was awesome!).

1. a good (better) night’s sleep

the first night, i had a hard time sleeping, due to the carousing all around me, the rain, the cold and my foot hurting because i tried to wear shoes that i knew hurt me feet (i had been planning on getting rid of them, but i thought i’d give it one more try. big mistake.). last night, on the other hand, i even fell asleep before james (which has happened maybe five times in our entire relationship) and woke up refreshed and happy. what was the difference? last night, i decided to use ginger beers (plural) to help me sleep, which i think worked really well. and was also quite yummy. as an added plus, i didn’t even have a teeny bit of a hangover. yay, ginger beer! and yay, sleep!

2. the sun coming out

the festival was an amazing time, even in the rain (mostly thanks to the wellies) but today, while we were sitting on the grass watching the strangest (albeit only) cricket match i’ve ever seen, complete with bubbles and gold sparkly spanks (on a 6’7” man), and listening to some great music from the main stage, the sun came shining out and the blue sky was (finally!) visible through the fluffy, white, perfect clouds. it was glorious and it was lovely to be sitting in the grass with my fantastic husband who took me there for my birthday. the sun just added to the lazy sunday feel of the last day of the festival.

3. laura marling

singing rambling man (what she opened with)

she is the reason i went to the wilderness festival in the first place, and she was so worth it. she’s soulful, sweet, humble and just gorgeous. i almost cried. i will admit that she suits a smaller, more personal venue a bit more and i’d love to see her in a little café or something next (if she doesn’t get too big), but it was still beautiful and even if the rest of the weekend had been awful (which it wasn’t at all), it would have been worth it. she was perfect and i loved her.

Filed under laura marling the wilderness festival oxfordshire the sun music cricket sleep gratitude grateful life

1 note

day three*

*posted a couple of days late due to spending the weekend in oxfordshire at the wilderness festival, where there was absolutely no internet connection (which was awesome!).

1. james’s mum’s “wellies”

i was hesitant to accept at first, mainly because she’d already let us borrow her car, tent, sleeping bags, towels and pillows and also because i apparently forgot that i was in england and therefore, it was going to rain.  which, of course, it did. all night. and when i had to go pee in the middle of the night, i was especially grateful for the rain boots.

2. john-paul flintoff



he was one of the speakers who i watched today and he wrote a book called “sew your own” and taught us how to sew our own books. which i did, as you can see (from an old selfridges bag). i’m looking forward to perfecting it and i’d also really like to learn how to sew in general. so, a book and a goal! wowza.

3. my new hat


this hat was sooooooo warm and it totally changed my experience of the festival. obviously i was pretty cold, as i usually am. i think this hat will totally change my experience of england, germany and winter in general. i’ve heard it snows here.

Filed under the wilderness festival oxfordshire music camping wellies book making gratitude grateful life

0 notes

day two*

*posted a few days late due to spending the weekend in oxfordshire at the wilderness festival, where there was absolutely no internet connection (which was awesome!).

1. james driving carefully



he drives under the speed limit, is careful to let in other drivers and not pass on the left and sits completely straight in his chair and though i sort of make fun of him for it, i think it’s so sweet that he is so thoughtful and cautious when he drives. it is part of what makes me so sure he’ll be a wonderful father.

2. the stranger who helped us with our tent



this was our first camping trip together, and while both of us have experience with tents from our childhood (james was a cub scout), it had been awhile. i feel fairly confident that we would have figured it out eventually, and it hadn’t been that long, but it definitely set the mood for the festival when a woman came over and said that she had noticed us reading the instructions and doing the wrong thing (there were these cords that we had no idea what to do with and the picture was very confusing - in the end, we didn’t even use them). she showed us exactly what we had to do and was friendly and sweet and made us (well, me at least, james probably didn’t care) feel immediately accepted into the “wilderness” community.

3. ginger beer (and festival food)



i really like food and it is pretty much the reason that i go to any event (which i think is one of the reasons james’s dad once told me i was no longer allowed to go to the rugby matches with them. i’m hoping that he was joking.). the food here was amazing, albeit sort of meat heavy, which is surprising for such a “hippie” festival. i suppose it was all free-range and organic. but what i ate for dinner today was called a “buddha bowl”, a-coconut-milk-curry-infused mix of tofu, kale and brown rice and i washed it down with a ginger beer (or two or three), which was one of the best things i’ve had in awhile.

Filed under grateful gratitude life depression life oxfordshire the wilderness festival music ginger beer camping

0 notes

day one

1. the american women’s club in cologne

not only would i not know anyone here in cologne (or in all of germany, really) if it weren’t for them, but in general i have never felt so readily accepted into a community before. every time i have coffee with someone or meet up for a book discussion, i really feel that everyone is looking out for everyone else. when we went to the fourth of july barbecue, people sought me out to welcome me and introduce themselves to james (my husband). i was amazed!

today, i left the house feeling icky and blah - for no reason. i sort of forced myself to go to the coffee meeting and because they are such varied and interesting women, i found that i was completely brought out of myself, which is just what i needed.

2. asian wok restaurants

i seriously love noodles (rice noodles especially) and about three years ago, these “take away” style wok restaurants started opening up all over barcelona and they are here as well. some days, i don’t know what i’d do without some tofu and noodles all drenched in a fabulous coconut curry or sweet chili sauce. comfort food at its best.

3. playing hooky

james chatted me earlier saying that he just wasn’t feeling up to german class today and as we are flying to england early tomorrow morning and still need to pack, maybe we just shouldn’t go. a little part of me knows we should be good adults and go, after all, we live in this country and really should be on top of learning the language so we can communicate with people and stuff, but sometimes it is the best thing in the world to ignore that adult part and just relax. now, i’m sitting on my couch (having just finished my noodles that i got on the way home) and i don’t have anywhere to be all evening. fabulous.

Filed under grateful gratitude life depression anxiety goals germany noodles women's club playing hooky